Bones

“And all I've ever wanted was for your damn arms
To wrap themselves around me and say

Hey, girl you're the prettiest thing my eyes have ever seen
Come and lay your bones down with me
Come and lay your bones down with me”

Bones – Ginny Blackmore

Last week Ginny Blackmore tweeted “Bones def might be a SMIDGE needy. And place heaps of value on ur man fainting at the sight of ur beauty. But seriously, please faint”. Despite the high radio play and many YouTube views this song has had a fair bit of criticism from reviewers. Blogs and articles call it cringy, charmless and lacking self-respect. I get why these kind of responses are coming out – in a nutshell, women shouldn’t place so much value on a man thinking she is beautiful, because that is not what a 21^st century female should be wanting. This kind of thinking is feminism, and feminism drives me quite mad.

Before I go any further let me make a disclaimer: the rest of this blog is all my thoughts. I’m not going to reference anything as that would be a long and complicated process which I cannot be bothered going through. But hear me out: I am all for gender equality. I think men and women should be offered the same working opportunities at equal pay rates. But not because of different body parts, but rather as human beings neither gender should be more or less capable then the other.

It is the hatred against the focus on physical looks which feminists have which annoys me. In this day and age women are expected to put brains and career ambition first, and focus less on which men think of us. We are meant to get outraged at videos which show females as sexual objects and be against apps such as Tinder which base females simply on who is hot.

But what is a better feeling - being outraged or the feeling of a male saying you look beautiful? Ladies reading this take a minute and think about this: how often do you dress up and make yourself pretty? Do you or do you not, want a man to look at you’re and think you are beautiful and take you home and, quite frankly, have sex with you?  You probably do, because that is normal. I have put on my cute outfit, done my hair and make-up, and gone out to have a good time. And a guy decided I was the one he wanted to take home, and I felt a little bit of pride that I was the he took home.

We women are made out of so many amazing parts; we can be strong, smart and sexy, and I think it is okay to show each part of us. We should be proud of showing off our looks and the time it takes to create them. Ginny Blackmore got it right: it would be nice if men got light headed over the sight of our beauty, but not because we are shallow and needy, but rather because we are proud and self-confident. 

Loved You First

“Because I've been waiting
All this time to finally say it
But now I see your heart's been taken
And nothing could be worse.
Baby, I loved you first.
Had my chances,
Could have been where he is standing.
That's what hurts the most.
Girl, I came so close
But now you'll never know,
Baby, I loved you first.”

Loved You First – One Direction

Five good looking young British boys crooning about a female makes for typical boy band behaviour. I shamelessly have both One Direction albums and I can vouch that every song on it is about a girl. Much like their predecessors Backstreet Boys and *Nsync, these 1D boys thrive, and let’s be honest, survive, by taking turns to sing lyrics about girls they saw / loved / lost.

But, as I typically do with most music, I saw beyond this simplistic idea. Of all the songs on both One Direction albums Loved You First stood out for me. The concept of this song is nothing new; you meet someone you take fancy to but before you can tell them you love them they slip away. 

As a society we have developed more than what could have been imaginable say, fifty years ago. We have seen the first African American be elected President of the United States. In New Zealand we now allow gay and lesbian couples to get married. And technology advances must go well beyond what our grandparents must have thought: we can communicate in an instance without having to see the other person and we can not only travel across our wonderful world, but we have the ability to send people into space. We have developed immunisation against diseases which once wiped out hundreds of people. We have the fastest runners in history, and never before have we seen our athletes jump so high and throw so far. Yes, if we take an overarching look at our society we have it pretty good.

And yet, we struggle to tell someone we love them.

It seems while we are developing our technology and socio status we haven’t managed to develop our emotional side. It is hard to tell other people our feelings as we still fear rejection and failure. We put more trust into technology and infrastructure and medicine then we put into our own feelings. It’s a bit ironic really, because without love and the special someone half our advances would be redundant. There are obviously people who have risked their feelings as happy marriage photos constantly pop up on Facebook feeds, but I can’t help but feel if boy bands are still singing about lost love then it is a problem. I just question this: amidst all our other developments and achievements will we ever be able to move past our own emotional restraints? 

Acapella

“Used to be a baby, used to be a lady
Thought you were the perfect lover
All the harmony went falling out of key, so
Now you gotta find another
Now you’re talking crazy saying that you made me
Like I was your Cinderella
You and me are through, though, watch me hit it solo
I’mma do it acapella”

Acapella – Karmin

I spend a lot of time listening to music and thinking beyond what I’m simply hearing. I love messages in songs. I like the way they challenge society and encourage us to change. And I like metaphors which run through whole songs and tell you a message without being explicit.

I really like the message in Acapella. I think the metaphor is relatively clever: a girl decides she doesn’t need this shitty guy so she’s going solo and doing her thing without him in the background. Lines like “all the harmony went falling out of key” and “watch me hit it solo” and the bit in the middle where Amy actually goes acapella before she brings the beat back all bring together that musical theme. The metaphor ties music in with music in a smart way and does not leave the listener at all confused with the message. I like it a lot.

Therefore, it’s such a shame this song sounds worse than fingernails down a chalkboard and cats screeching in the middle of the night mixed together. I cringe when I listen to and resented having to listen a through a few times while writing this. I don’t quite get what she is doing with her voice, and indeed, quite how she manages to get her voice to make such strange noises i.e. those falsetto bits. And there is actually a lyric which says “totes believe”. TOTES BELIEVE. This should only be used by teenage girls, or in full irony.

My point is this: Acapella started with such promise and on paper it looks fantastic and clever, but it’s execution into a product is poor. Ideas are great. Ideas are what make us think of new products and how to improve lives. But making these ideas a reality is much harder and often the final product is nothing near what we originally imagined it would be. You’ve most likely had this happen to you and it’s frustrating; I know I’ve tried to convince people I know exactly what I mean in my head but can’t properly convey it into something physical.

This is the part of my blog where I would usually wrap up with something positive. But today I am stumped. I started writing this post a few weeks ago and had to leave it unfinished for a while because I couldn’t figure out how to end it. And I still can’t. I have no advice on this matter – I think the sad truth might just be there are simply going to be times when no one else will see the full potential of our ideas. 

Whistle

“Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl I’m gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go”

Whistle – Flo Rida

In the world’s list of silliest songs ever written Whistle ranks quite high. It’s hard to see past the lyrics which are a weak metaphor for sexual activity and this song really doesn’t beg to be analysed. It is what it is: Flo Rida asking for a blow job. At least he’s offering to give the girl a bit of a guideline on how he wants it done and he’s going to some difficulty “pull a damn hamstring tryna put it on ya”.

I  really like this song. I’m not too sure why. It’s certainly not clever nor is it the beat behind the lyrics particularly original. I only have a mild liking for Flo Rida and his music and mostly it is because his songs are catchy and a bit of fun to dance to after a few drinks. And I don’t like this song because I take a liking to “blowing whistles”. No, I don’t know quite what it is about Whistle but there is something which makes me take a liking to this song which I couldn’t possibly give you a reason for.

I feel we spend a lot of our lives justifying and rationalising our choices, decisions and tastes. And most of the time we can give a reason. We eat because we enjoy the flavours of food and go surfing and tramping because we like the thrill of adventure. I want to travel overseas because I want to explore and meet new people and improve my worldly knowledge. It makes perfectly rationalised and justified sense.

But there are other things in life we like for no more reason than we simply do. I could break down every emotion I feel when listening to Whistle and talk about every single lyric to try find something I connect to and I still doubt I could pinpoint exactly why I like this song. And what a waste of time and energy that process would be when I could be simply enjoying this song. I have observed in my time on this planet people overanalysing themselves and scrutinising every little thing. But I don’t think you need to justify why you do or do not like something. Sometimes you don’t know. Sometimes other people don’t need to know what it is you connect with. Sometimes you listen to a terribly written song about sex moves sung by a guy named after a state in America for no reason other than you want to. 

It's Worth It

“But if we keep holding on
I know we’ll get back to the surface
‘Cause it’s worth it
If we keep holding on
I know that nobody’s perfect
But we’ll work it out”

It’s Worth It – Jackie Thomas

What a ride the first series of The X Factor New Zealand was. I mused on a few blogs prior to the series about what could possibly happen, and the series was much better and slightly worse than I predicted. I could muse through many things about the show and break down each act, each song performance and each one of Daniel Bedingfield’s outfits, but that would take quite a few words. So instead I will pick up on one of the moments of the series which stood out to me.

Jackie Thomas, a 22 year old girl from Greymouth, eventually won the series. And good on her. Personally she wasn’t my favourite but I enjoyed her singing and stage performances. But her voice which nearly didn’t make it to the live shows after she was eliminated in the second round, despite Mel Blatt claiming she could win the show after singing Skinny Love for her audition. But Daniel Bedingfield and the public believed in her and she was invited back to judge’s retreats. Bedingfield then put her through to live shows where she went on to receive top votes in seven of the ten live shows and ultimately win the competition. Where will her career go from The X Factor? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what she comes out with.

There is a lesson we can all take from her journey on The X Factor and it’s one of second chances. When things go wrong in our lives we don’t often get a second chance to put things right. But Jackie did and she grabbed it. She didn’t cruise through like other acts but rather showed New Zealand she deserved to win. And we were nice enough to not only give her the second chance but forgive and forget she messed up.

We aren’t always given second chances in life. Whether it be a relationship, a job interview or a chance to take an adventure, you may have one chance to do it right. I won’t need to go into detail of what it feels like to miss these opportunities because I’m sure as you read this you are thinking about those times you could have used a second chance – and how it felt not to get it. But what is worse than not receiving a second chance is receiving one and failing to go as far as you possibly can with it; you’ll let down yourself and you’ll let down those who believed in you enough to give you another go. Giving out second chances does not come easily. It’s a risk and people don’t like to take risks. It involves trust and forgiveness which do not come naturally to everyone.

You cannot ask for a second chance and you cannot expect one; you messed up and it’s your fault. But if you are so lucky as to get one then don’t take it for granted. Take inspiration from a girl from Greymouth who won our very first series of The X Factor and proved you can win from a second chance. 

What a Buzz

“I'm staring across the table at the nicest eyes I've seen.
I said they were brown but she insisted they were green.
So I called over the waiter and he told me he agreed.
Tonight I drink wine with the girl that likes me.
(What a buzz)

Tell me all about you.
(What a buzz)
Where I'd be without you.
(What a buzz)
Tell me all about you.
What a beautiful buzz with the girl I might love.”

What a Buzz – Olly Murs

For the past year and a half I have blogged about how music can inspire you to change the world, encourage make the most of your life and remind you how precious moments are. Music can evoke both positive and negative emotion out of as you react to the message in the lyrics and tone of the song. It wasn’t until I recently heard this song from Olly Murs’ third album that I remembered one of the simplest things music can make you do: it can make you smile.

What a Buzz is an absolutely gorgeous song which gives me the warm fuzzies. Olly Murs sings about being on a nervous first date with a beautiful girl and the ‘buzz’ it gives him. It is so sweet it makes me smile as I imagine him being in this situation. I’m not usually one to get soppy and emotional over a date (especially someone else’s) but the description in this song is awkwardly charming: the nervous hands, the disagreeable waiter and the way someone is slowly falling in love and creating such a buzz for them. It’s as cute as kittens and it should make you smile.

As you know one generally smiles when they are happy and amused, and showing respect to others and conveying compassion. It is a symbol widely recognised across cultures and countries with a generally similar meaning. Smiling lights up our eyes – known as the window to the soul – which makes us seem more attractive. Smiling and laughing is even scientifically proven to boost your immune system and energy levels. A smile is infectious and it helps bind together relationships and intimacy. In short: smiling is good for you!

One of my favourite quotes “don’t frown: you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile”. While it unfortunately isn’t likely to be Olly Murs it could be someone special, someone who influences your life. Or it could be no one you will ever know but in that moment have smiling have bought a little bit of joy to their life. This week, as I sign off this blog, I encourage you to do a few simple things. Firstly, smile. Secondly, smile a little bit wider. And thirdly, in moments of joy and pleasure and cuteness, never be afraid to smile. 

Here's a picture of Olly Murs smiling. He's so cute.

It's Not Me It's You

“You tried to make me small
Make me fall and it's all your fault
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that it's not me it's you

Always has been you
All the lies and stupid things you say and do
It's you”

It’s Not Me It’s You – Skillet

You know that old excuse “it’s not you, it’s me”? It’s the phrase we tend to use to shy away from confrontation and try to protect the feelings of others. It puts the blame back on ourselves and our own issues we claim to have. But sometimes the bottom line is: It. Is. You.

This song by Skillet is a great relief to hear as it says what most of us are afraid of voicing: it accuses the other person in the relationship of forcing someone to blame themselves and causing a series of harsh emotions.  This is such an easy thing to do and it is such a shame how much we second guess ourselves. As much as external conflict is hard to face, inner conflict can be much more damaging – especially when it is put on to us by someone else. There is a powerful moment in this song in which they realise the other person is putting them through so much pain and hurt, but when they go away they are free. I love how this song throws the hate back in the other person’s face. That’s what it is: hatred. Not a hate of the other person per say, but a hatred of being treated inferior and being bullied.

I sometimes wonder whether I could ever say to someone they are the problem in real life. I am lucky enough not to have someone or something I would describe as poisonous interfering with me, but if I did I wonder if I could face them. And could you?  It’s one thing planning the confrontation in your head and another to actually say it without backing down out of fear of facing the problem and potentially a creating a much worse scenario of denial and accusation, until you see the very worse side of a human being. Because I really do believe making someone feel utterly inadequate is a horrible thing to do.

My feelings of not being able to stand up to someone causing such issues in my life (again, thankful I do not have these and I empathise with anyone who does) makes me so grateful for bands like Skillet who say what everyday people are thinking but are powerless to voice. This song is powerful and gritty and tells such an awful story, but like with most of Skillet’s songs there is hope and a hidden light. And so, when anyone asks who my favourite bands are I always mention Skillet as I feel they are the voice which represents us all and our issues and speaks up for those of us who can’t.