Young Blood

"We've got young blood
Can't destroy us
We make our own luck in this world
We've got young blood
No one chose us
We make our own love in this world"

Young Blood - Bea Miller

As a self confessed reality TV watcher, the name Bea Miller was familiar to me when I happened across it in my twitter feed a few weeks ago. I remember her from the 2012 season of The X Factor USA - the one where Britney Spears was a judge and the competition spawmedy a fair bit of talent and some entertaining viewing. Bea Miller was just 13 when she came ninth on the season and has this year begun releasing her individual music.

During The X Factor competition Bea - or Beatrice as she was still known then - came across as a bit of a cutie. She had a school girl charm kind of thing going on and was generally a sweet, pretty girl. Well, fast forward just a year and a half and Bea Miller has a whole new look, a darker, edgier look to go with songs which are a little darker too. The YouTube comments section for Young Blood includes some hater comments about her look on The X Factor being preferable to her look now. But personally, I like her new look and it made one thing very clear for me: being cute gets you nowhere.

To be cute means to be pleasantly pretty or delightful in a dainty way. And who would want to be this when you can be so much more than non threatening nice. Cute is what I call red pandas at the zoo or grandparents still holding hands to cross the road. Cute is not what an aspiring singer should try to be - not when you can be a sexy badass singer. We've seen nearly every Disney or Nickelodeon starlet try to break away from the connotation of being cute because being cute is a waste of time. There's no strength or endearing about it, not like the fear in being beautiful or the desire in being sexy. Being cute makes you look innocent and uneducated, and to take on the world in such a manner is foolish.

A few days after I first heard this Bea Miller song I was in a bar dancing with some American girls I'd just met and one of them called me cute. I know she meant it in a nice, complimentary way but I still felt a bit let down. I guess it's because I've had enough courage and strength to make some big life changes and to be called cute feels a bit undermining. I, like Bea Miller, am in a new stage of life - making my own love and luck, not relying on being cute to go through this world.

Best Day Of My Life

"But all the possibilities
No limits just epiphanies

I'm never gonna look back
Whoa I'm never gonna give it up
No, please don't want me now

This is gonna be the best day of my life"

Best Day Of My Life - American Authors

Hello from Melbourne! Well, make that a Starbucks near the centre of Melbourne because this is where I can get some free wifi (and a hot chocolate) and muse through my thoughts as my time in Melbourne draws to a close. I've got one more day here before an early morning flight on Thursday to Perth.

I went with Best Day Of My Life for this blog for two reasons. Firstly, I have been thrashing American Authors' album since arriving here - I've listened to it while walking alongside the Yarra River and during my train trip up to Bendigo. I love this album (called Oh What A Life), though it is probably made better by seeing them live a week before I came here. Side note - American Authors are amazing live, helped along by their lead singer being one of the most beautiful human males I have ever laid eyes on.

I also feel like Best Day Of My Life is a fitting song for traveling. Whenever I listen to this song I feel like it isn't about having the best day, it's about making yourself have the best day no matter what situation. Solo traveling can be scary - you have to be able to do things by yourself. Last week I wanted to see Les Miserables at the theatre and I knew it would just be me, sitting by myself, watching this stage show. I went alone and I am so glad I did, as the show gave my chills I haven't felt in a long time.

You probably want to hear stories about what is happening here. To be honest, it has mostly been me wandering around and looking at stuff, plus catching up with my Melbourne based Contiki crew, and seeing my lovely cousins. I have one story to tell about my plane trip though. Shortly before leaving I got last minute advice from friends and family, the classic go for it, not regrets, have the time of your life advice (except for my brother, he just said "no boys!"). This advice, coupled with the fact the nerves were kicking in, led me to start crying. I'm such an emotional person and I started getting teary again on the plane. I was sitting next to a lovely man (middle aged, married, no romantic chances) and we talked about what I was doing here. Later on his meal came (I didn't order one) and he gave me his ice cream. I feel like there are two lessons here 1) even at 23 crying gets you free ice cream and 2) a kind gesture goes a long way - I still feel grateful to this man for his kindness that day.

I like Melbourne. I like it's vibe and I like it's culture. I'll be honest though - this isn't the place I'm going to live in. I'm really excited to head onto Perth and explore a new city. I'm having an awesome time in Australia and so far not regretting this life decision I made. But tomorrow, I think I am going to regret all those caramello koala's I have been binging on, as those are the shit.

Don't Forget Your Roots

“Don't forget your roots, my friend
Don't forget your family, yeah
Don't forget your roots, my friend
The ones who made you
The ones who brought you here”

Don’t Forget Your Roots – Six60

I’m going on an adventure. I say it’s an adventure because I don’t know where I’ll end up or what I’ll be doing the whole time or even how long I’ll be gone for. All I know is I’m starting by jumping the ditch and seeing where life takes me from there. It’s a big step and I’m a little bit scared about doing it, but I also know it’s something I have to do – ever since my trip to USA I’ve realised there’s a whole world out there for me to explore and learn from.

I left my job at the end of last week and my friend there gave me this plaque, saying it was something to keep in mind while traveling and fitted with my love of music and my love of New Zealand.

Yes, there is a whole world out there waiting to be seen, but there is always a place to call home. I was lucky enough to grow up in a wonderful environment with my family and my friends from all walks of my life. I credit them for the person I have grown into today and I know without the support I have I could not venture off shore. Alongside my core support group I have seen so much of our beautiful country – from New Years Eve spent in the Coromandel, sports trips across the North Island, numerous visits to our coolest little capital Wellington, ventures into the South Island and the spectaculars of the four corners of my home city Auckland. I cannot wait to be the next person to take stories from my homeland into the world.

As I travel across Australia and later further across the world my goal is to learn and enrich my life. This blog post is ridiculously cliché but it is the clichés which are important to remember, like in the end you only get one shot at your life and I know now is the time for me to go exploring. Who knows what I might find on the way – some of my friends have gone as far as saying I might find love and never come back. But I will be back one day – because to never come back means to forget your roots. And no matter how glamorous a life overseas may become I am determined to remember how great New Zealand has been to me and how proud I am to be from country.

Ka Kite Ano Aotearoa

In a Song

“It's alright,
It's this goodbye
Won't hurt me for too long
I'll be fine on my own
It'll take some time, but I know that I
I can find where I belong
And I'll find it in a song”

In a Song – Hunter Hayes

I’ve always been into finding new artists and discovering music. I typically discover new artists by their song being played on on the radio or watching on a show like The X Factor or at the suggestion of a friend. My latest music discovery is Hunter Hayes, who I found in a slightly less conventional way – that is, I saw his display in a Walmart in Yuma, Arizona, and when I came back to New Zealand looked him up because I thought he looked like an alright artist. Okay, I thought he was cute. Really cute. And you can’t have bad music if you’re really cute, right?

I listened to a few tracks off his self-titled debut album and thought I must have this all the time. I bought the entire album, Encore edition, and have since listened to it nearly every day. A few days ago I would’ve written it’s the best album I have heard in a while, but then I discovered Hunter Hayes has a second album that is as good (and maybe in a different blog I will address that New Zealand is still six months behind discovering artists have new music). I have always been hesitant to get into country music as it is such a big beast and I wouldn’t know where to start. I wish I had started listening to country music much earlier; there is something in this type of music that speak s to me – the honesty and tenderness, and the lack of trying to make a song edgy for the sake of it becoming popular.

I could easily write a blog about every one of Hunter Hayes’ songs. I could write about being swept off your feet like in Storm Warning. I could write about everything going wrong but keeping positive like in Faith to Fall Back On. I could write about going an adventure like Better Than This or creating a life with someone like in Storyline or I could tackle a heavy issue like bullying as written about in Invisible. But when I mapped out what I would write I kept realising one common thing: every song had an answer within it.

In a Song talks about what I believe in with music – that when all is lost, the music will be there. I search for answers in music when I’ve been hurt or I’ve hurt myself, when I feel lost or confused or when I have so much going on I need to find a release. When I have my iPod plugged in I go to a different place, my happy place, with my music. I’ve walked away from relationships knowing that I have my music and have my blog to make me feel better; I may harp on about some problematic guy in a post, but after it’s been written the hurt goes away.

Discovering Hunter Hayes’ music has made for a great past few months. In my mind I have pulled apart all his songs and taken what I need from them. This is the kind of artist I want to go on an adventure with; I want to follow his music for as long as his career spans and every song he releases I want to feel something from. One day I will see him live in concert, and it will be so exciting. And I will look up at all 1.68m of him and secretly smile at how my love of his music started in a Walmart.

Take a Walk

“Honey it's your son I think I borrowed just too much
We had taxes, we had bills, we had a lifestyle of fun
And tonight I swear I'll come home and we'll make love like we're young
Then tomorrow you'll cook dinner for the neighbours and their kids
We can rip apart those socialists and all their damn taxes
But see I am no criminal
I'm down on both bad knees
I'm just too much a coward to admit when I'm in need

I took a walk

Take a walk, take a walk, take a walk”

Take a Walk – Passion Pit

On first listen to Take a Walk it’s hard to understand exactly what this song is about. I read an interesting article where Michael Angelakos, Passion Pit’s lead singer, was nervous to release this song as a single because he thought it would be interpreted as political statement. Rather, he says, Take A Walk is about three generations of his family at different and rather difficult times of their lives. After I listened to this song a few more times I begun to hear the struggles in the stories of these men. One of the stories stood out to me – it’s the story that I chose for the above excerpt of the song – and, one very specific line caught my attention over and over again:

I'm just too much a coward to admit when I'm in need

Yes, that line. Read it again.

I'm just too much a coward to admit when I'm in need

I'm just too much a coward to admit when I'm in need

This could be one of the most significant lines I have ever heard in a song. I think nearly everyone would be able to admit they have done this. They have acted like nothing is wrong in their lives because they were ashamed or afraid of the backlash they would receive, because our society still connects being in need with being weak.

I’ve done this on so many occasions I have lost count of the number of times I could have used some help. I’ll share with you the most recent time I needed help but didn’t get some. I was in San Francisco and struggling with the death of a new friend. It was a really bizarre situation, being away from home with people I hardly knew and dealing with such an emotional burden. I felt like I had no one to talk to and I wanted to be alone – but that didn’t mean that I was okay. I didn’t want to admit that I was still struggling while I watched my fellow travellers move on and enjoy their trip. I also knew that when I left San Francisco and got back to the comfort of my own home I would be fine. But there were 48 hours or so where I spend a good deal of time in the hotel room alternating crying and sleeping and feeling at a very low point of my life.

When I think back on this time, and other times I never asked for help, I guess I felt like I could handle it myself and I felt like my problem wasn’t really a big deal. But sometimes, no matter how big or small, you need someone else’s help. I wish it weren’t a thing to have to put aside your tough guy persona to ask for help, and I wish it didn’t feel like others were judging your weaknesses for admitting you have a problem. But then I think this idea is just in our own heads – that we feel like people will judge, when in reality they won’t, they will just help. And they won’t let you take the walk alone.

Bliss

“Aaaaaaa Ya Ya Ya Ya, Ya Ya Ya Ya

Drink Yourself More Bliss
Forget about the last one get yourself another
Drink Yourself More Bliss
Forget about the last one get yourself another”

Bliss – Th’ Dudes

For as long as I can remember, alcohol has been a part of my life. I, like most people, grew up with alcohol being served to adults and I would get the occasional sip. As a teenager I dabbled with different drinks at parties, though I was never considered to be a wild child who got drunk at parties every weekend. In fact, my parents still laugh at how little my tolerance can be. A doctor once described me as a binge drinker; it sounded terrible at the time but I guess he was right – I hardly drink during the week, but now and then I will have a big night on the booze.

After my trip to USA, where nearly every night involved drinking, I decided to take a much-needed detox for the last two weeks of June. The detox turned into an unofficial Dry July and my abstinence has continued into August, apart from one very drunken night on my birthday a few weeks ago. I haven’t even participated in a Friday night drink or been tempted by a glass of wine after a long day at work. My drink of choice lately has been the classic orange juice or a soda water with lime. In terms of health I have felt great – my weekends have been much more productive without a half day hangover. And, to be honest, I much prefer the way I act when I’m not on the booze – lately I have felt I am just one drink away from saying or doing something I will very much regret.

Over the past few months it has been interesting monitoring the thoughts of others when I tell them I’m not drinking. Their reactions ranged from “good for you” to “fuck that” to “do you think you can not drink for that long?” and, my personal favourite, “you should drink tonight anyway”. It seems many people could not understand why I needed to abstain from drinking and seemed to think one drink couldn’t hurt. And they are right – one drink really wouldn’t hurt. But it was the attitude that I needed alcohol to have a good time that really got me thinking.  

I very deliberately picked a song that says get another drink for this blog. When I was in Arizona a few months ago someone said to me “where’s your drink?” I said I had finished it and they said, “so get another one, that’s what people usually do in bars”.  Here’s the thing about our society: every function, every work event, every party from a raging to 21^st to a civilised dinner party includes alcohol, because that is what is normal. I am not starting a crusade to change this – because I know I never will - but what I wish would change is the way people react when you say you aren’t having any alcohol. I feel like I am being unnecessarily judged for choosing to abstain, like it’s a really big deal and people think you are either a hero or crazy for sticking to the orange juice. And I felt like I had to explain myself every time someone asked what I was drinking and saying something like “I’m doing Dry July so I just have my bottle of soda water!”

I don’t know how long this abstinence will last – it started out as a health thing, then turned into a personal challenge, and now I rarely feel like an alcoholic drink. I’ll most likely start drinking again at social occasions, but I’ll do it because I want to and because I want the taste of that particular drink, and not because society says should have some booze in my hand. The best bit of the past few alcohol free months is that I really have proved to myself I can have fun without being on the piss.