Wednesday, 26 February 2014


But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Pompeii – Bastille

I would usually never share the details of my diary with anyone, whether it be online or in person. I feel it is one of things which one keeps private in their lives and is a personal reflection rather than something to be discussed with others. However, I had an experience a couple of weeks ago with my diary and I want to share it. I keep a diary that prompts me every day with a different question or statement and I write a sentence about it. I am supposed to keep it for three years and each day every year I answer the same question to see if anything has changed. It can be as mundane as “what is in front of you?” or more meaningful such as “what is something you dislike about yourself?” On February 10th I was prompted with “list three things that went right today”.

But for me, on February 10th, it first appeared as if not one thing went right.

I lost my grandfather on February 10th.

And never before I have thought more about the statement “how am I going to be an optimist about this”. Because how are you supposed to find something right on a day when something so sad happens to you and your family. I will not call this incident a tragedy nor an unexpected death, but it was sad, and I was sad because I had to come to terms with the fact I would never see my Poppa again.

Of course, the questions in my diary are random and it was merely a coincidence I was prompted with such a statement on a day where I had a family member pass away. But after a lot of thinking and reflecting I realized there was something I could put in for February 10th, and I did this:

You see, the things that went right on February 10th was that a great man was remembered. He was remembered for being a husband, father, grandfather, and was a month out from being a great grandfather. At his funeral he was remembered for his passion for the land and quick sense of humour, and I quietly reflected on times when he would ask me if I had a rich boyfriend yet. And I glanced around at the packed room where people had travelled far to remember and celebrate the wonderful he life he lead for 85 years.

In the utter sadness of someone dying it can be so hard to think of anything that went right because we are so consumed by grief. But sometimes we need to look passed the fact we have lost someone and remember their death was but a moment in a wonderful life. I am going to miss my grandfather terribly and it will take a while for me to come to complete peace with this loss. But I also know there is no point lamenting over was is inevitable; that one day we will all leave earth. It is up to those of us still alive to remember the legacy those passed left behind and think back fondly with love and appreciation all the things they did for us so we can continue on in life with the knowledge they are always a mere memory away.

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