Friday, 3 June 2016

Bad Day

"You had a bad day
You're taking one downYou sing a sad song just to turn it aroundYou say you don't knowYou tell me don't lieYou work at a smile and you go for a rideYou had a bad dayThe camera don't lieYou're coming back down and you really don't mindYou had a bad day"

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Today was a bad day. 

It was a bad day because the Friday before long weekends are never fun at my work. They're busy, manic, rushed, things get missed and blame gets shifted around. But it always gets done, we move on, so does that really count as a bad day?

It was also a bad day because the weather here has decided to drop about ten degrees and it's suddenly freezing cold. Although, this happens every year, and as I get to pull out my favourite scarfs and jackets, I'm not sure that really constitutes a good day?

Mostly, today was a bad day because I made the mistake of checking those damn Facebook memories, and I was reminded of where I was two years ago on a day that was such a good day, but now every year becomes a bad day. 

I wish I wasn't a person who got a kick out of anniversaries, but I confess I like them so much. I like knowing how long it's been since something happened, and marvel at how fast time has passed. I like birthdays, new years and graduations and I like looking back on those occasions each anniversary and thinking, "oh yeah, that great thing happened". 

Except today, on this bad day, this bad week, this whole bad experience. The time where, two years ago, everything went from being so right to so wrong. This time, two years ago, was the calm before the storm. And now, two years later, it's where I sit alone, tears running down my face, still trying to understand how life could deal us such a cruel blow. 

I miss her every day. But I miss her the most today, this day, last year, this year, and every year to come. 

It's a bad day. 

But it's just one day, one really bad day and the ten days either side where I'm still pretty sad, and then the remaining 350 or so days in the year can be good days. I can remember the other anniversaries of this situation. The anniversary of when I went away to find myself. The anniversary of that second trip where everything suddenly made sense. The anniversary of when I realised it was time to come back. 

I get this day, today, to have a bad day. Then I make sure the rest of the days are good days, because I'm the one who still gets to have days. 

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