It's Not Me It's You

“You tried to make me small
Make me fall and it's all your fault
With the pain you put me through
And now I know that it's not me it's you

Always has been you
All the lies and stupid things you say and do
It's you”

It’s Not Me It’s You – Skillet

You know that old excuse “it’s not you, it’s me”? It’s the phrase we tend to use to shy away from confrontation and try to protect the feelings of others. It puts the blame back on ourselves and our own issues we claim to have. But sometimes the bottom line is: It. Is. You.

This song by Skillet is a great relief to hear as it says what most of us are afraid of voicing: it accuses the other person in the relationship of forcing someone to blame themselves and causing a series of harsh emotions.  This is such an easy thing to do and it is such a shame how much we second guess ourselves. As much as external conflict is hard to face, inner conflict can be much more damaging – especially when it is put on to us by someone else. There is a powerful moment in this song in which they realise the other person is putting them through so much pain and hurt, but when they go away they are free. I love how this song throws the hate back in the other person’s face. That’s what it is: hatred. Not a hate of the other person per say, but a hatred of being treated inferior and being bullied.

I sometimes wonder whether I could ever say to someone they are the problem in real life. I am lucky enough not to have someone or something I would describe as poisonous interfering with me, but if I did I wonder if I could face them. And could you?  It’s one thing planning the confrontation in your head and another to actually say it without backing down out of fear of facing the problem and potentially a creating a much worse scenario of denial and accusation, until you see the very worse side of a human being. Because I really do believe making someone feel utterly inadequate is a horrible thing to do.

My feelings of not being able to stand up to someone causing such issues in my life (again, thankful I do not have these and I empathise with anyone who does) makes me so grateful for bands like Skillet who say what everyday people are thinking but are powerless to voice. This song is powerful and gritty and tells such an awful story, but like with most of Skillet’s songs there is hope and a hidden light. And so, when anyone asks who my favourite bands are I always mention Skillet as I feel they are the voice which represents us all and our issues and speaks up for those of us who can’t.