Sugarpills

“So long all the sugarpills and alcohol
These scars are the stumbling eyes and cold reminders

So long all the sugarpills and alcohol
These scars are the stumbling eyes and cold reminders

I will become undone and then I'll write about it
You'll be the one to lose control

I will become undone and then I'll write about it
You'll be the one to lose control”

Sugarpills – Kids of 88

Did you know I did a Contiki around USA last month? Okay, I realise I’ve spent a lot of time talking about it and sharing many photos, and you’ve probably got FOMO and want me to stop mentioning my trip. But the trip has been the source of a lot of blogging inspiration and I want to share another memory with you. If you read On Top of the World you’ll recall I wrote about becoming quite emotional after singing with my Contiki group as a tribute to Clarissa. I remember going outside and crying and not being able to explain why I was so upset. It wasn’t until a week after this night I got the chance to write and post that blog and I felt incredibly relieved at getting those thoughts down after having them nag me for seven days.

I’ve always been a writer and a storyteller. My computer folders are littered with half finished writing projects and over a hundred of these music blogs. I’ve explained before why I started this blog – a mixture of wanting to focus writing and of having ideas about songs – and as I wrote about in Demons this blog became very important to me. I have a note on my phone that I wrote shortly after having my breakdown at Bass Lake. I remember typing it furiously and getting all that emotion out while a new friend sat opposite me and probably wondered what the heck I was up to. But after I had written what became the basis for my second USA blog I was able to go back to the dance floor and have a great night. I chose Sugarpills this week because I think it sums up these blogs rather well: when life becomes undone I write about it.

I want to focus on the line “you’ll be the one to lose control” for a moment. I draw most of my inspiration from my peers and sometimes they don’t know their experiences with me have influenced my writing. I was questioned just last week by a friend about what I wrote about them and I realised certain people may not like being at the receiving end of my comments. Some of the people I write about will disagree with what I write, or potentially worse, not know my true feelings until I put up a new post. But I write this blog primarily for my own personal reflection and I’m prepared to risk my peers losing control if it means I feel better.  

Shortly after I came back from my trip one of the guys I had met messaged me and asked about my blog and mentioned he’d lost interest in writing his blog because not enough people read it. I told him I never cared about number of viewers or whether people liked it, I was just wanted to write. This blog is a place I can be brutally honest with myself and share thoughts I may not usually say out loud. As I’ve said before, I’m going to write this blog until I run out of ideas or run out of songs. And if you think about it, there are millions of songs and I’m telling you know that I’ve got millions of ideas.